It's About Time I Spoke Up

A two week escape over the Easter break was clearly not enough to forever avoid the torment that awaited me.

Lying in bed I can hear them laughing; are these cackles real or is it all just mind games? I'm all alone in my bedroom, with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. I try to kid myself that this is all just 'Mother Nature' and a part of everyday life but the hair-tearing, eyeball scratching urges that follow this daily ongoing suffering suggests otherwise.

Surely I cannot be the only person experiencing such anguish? Am I really the only person who is constantly ambushed by the echoing vexation? It seems to have some awkward taboo attached to it, but the truth is, the amount of people suffering from what I am experiencing is, and must be, more than realised.
This on-going mental agony has led me to a dilemma of morality. My 'ethics' and principals are being tested, do I ignore these thoughts or do I put them in to action?

...

Too long. Too long have us Cardiff University residents have to endured the vicious, vile, vexatious domination that seagulls have taken upon our home.
Oh no, what do I sound like?! You know what is happening don't you? Domination of seagulls is turning me into the Nigel Farage of birds. Rest assured: I do not support UKIP. I don't even like beer.

Well as a firm supporter of animal welfare - and a vegetarian - the seagulls really are testing my patience. (Not that I was planning on eating them...)
One of the few delights that comes with being from the furthest town from the sea in England is the rarity of these evil birds swarming in on your (what was) pleasant day. Even laying in bed and only being able to hear the faint laughter from the television as my little brother watches Friends downstairs now seems a luxury when I go home from university.

Now, emphasising the issue of how detrimental these species are being upon my life is hard to convey. This 'issue' may be taken lightly, presumed to be an over reaction; "just ignore them" I hear you say. But it's not until I start turning up to lectures resembling a shit splattered, polka-dot patterned car bonnet that people become aware of how serious this is becoming. When I get to the stage of subconsciously switching between English and Seagullish, or when my mouth forms a yellowy, hard beak, is what it takes for somebody to step in and take action.

Pigeons are 'rodents of the sky', complaining about pigeons in society is accepted, it is a common occurrence, (especially if you are walking through Trafalgar Square). But with seagulls, it is a much more of a touchy subject. Why is this? Pigeons don't screech at 3am, pigeons don't swoop down and steal your Marmite sandwich out of your hand, nor do they scavenge through bins for scraps of McDonalds ultimately proceeding to last weeks worth of rubbish scattered around the pavement for all of the neighbours to complain about.

Now do I something about this? I could put my Hunger Games ability to the test and attempt to kill them all with a bow and arrow? I could feed them all vodka? Or I could just continue as I am and await the fate of evolving into a Guinness World Record Book worthy, first ever 'seagirl'. 

No. I am better than this. 

As a society we need to be more aware and understanding of this issue. With the support of one another, if we maintain a clean environment and not sweep the matter to one side, perhaps seagulls will vacate to the sea side, to where they are supposed to be. It's going to be tough, I know, but I think things can get better.

If not then lets officially change the name 'seagulls' to 'bingulls.' 
Furthermore, I am expecting Katie Hopkins to assign herself as their spokesperson.