Feminists: STOP RIGHT NOW, Thank You Very Much

(... I need somebody with  human touch.)
All these feminists *rolls eyes* are taking over the world. Before we know it we're going to have Lena Dunham running the country and Ellen Degeneres' face on our £10 notes. 

Studying Media and Gender as part of my university course I have used all my intelligence, scholar readings, and academic ability to put together for you, why these feminists are the real monsters of Halloween. 

They have spears which can kill ppl.








Their hairy pits probZ have lice.











Their moaning is giving me an earache: who needz equal pay when our man can pay 4 our lush bath bombs anyway!








I don’t need femims - if galz don’t want to be abused online just dnt go on the internet & live in ur shed.












Who's gna bake muffins 4 da cake sale at skwl which is 4 CHARITY.. Therefore fems are bein uncharitable. 








Speaking of which.. Cath kidston is gna go down in business coz there'll b no women in da kitchen to use their new floral mixing bowl.











They r RLY RLY loud n it's like "hey c'mon, I'm trying to listen to all the misogyny" - (show sum respect plz)!!!











I WANT to treat myself to freshly packaged 'pearl' tampons coz spending money on dem makes me feel even more posh! Plus our hubbies are the ones paying anyway cause I don't have a job - the house is my job (WHICH I LUV BY THE WAY - CLEANIN N COOKIN IS WOT I WAS PUT ON EARTH FOR)   








Y should girls sport teams get air time?! I WANT 2 SEE THE SEXY MALE RUGBY PLAYERS' THIGHS RIPPIN THROUGH THEIR SHORTS, NOT SWEATY BOOB PATCHES!! 
I dnt care if u train da same amount as men, ur meant to be at home anyway!!! (Or out shopping).











We dnt need feminidm coz then i'd have to do that DIY thing! Nd I don't even no what that stands 4?











We don't need femimimims in the government coz wot will they be called if they get David Cameron's job? They can't be a female Primemister... It'd be like having a man midwife.. JUST NOT LOGICALLY POSSIBLE!!!! 









Men aren't allowed in the feminism club and that just isn't fair.











Equal pay in da acting world is silly coz James Bond is the main character so should be getting more money... These femims haven't thought this through. 










Femims are preventing men from cat-calling nd that's not fair on men to be told what to do. 










Feminism might endanger our most treasured resource: the opinion of a heterosexual, white, middle class man & extinction is scary :( 











I don't need feminism coz how r men actually supposed to understand consent?! 










Feminists just hate men and they wna take over the world and that's sexist so therefore they are HYPOKRITS!










Femims need to stop coz breast feeding in public is gross and what happens if the milk splashes in my coffee??? I'm vegan not cannibal.









Nd anyway femims have created a myth called the patriarchy (but just like my eyelashes, the patriarchy isn't real). Surely if this thing WAS real then men would dominate most of the political, economical and media industries!!!!!!!!! 



























































































Please note my British, hilariously outrageous sarcasm throughout the entirety of this piece.

I was recently talking to a guy at a bar who said: "Oh so you're one of THOSE feminists are you?" *rolled eyes and smirked*
My response was: "Oh so you're one of those human beings who does not believe in equal rights for all?"
Feminists do NOT want to rule over men. In fact feminists love men, feminists love women, feminists ARE men, feminists ARE women.. and all those in between. 
To demean somebody of an ethnic minority because they were addressing a racist issue, is disgusting, outrageous behaviour. 
The same applies to feminism. And I'm so incredibly tired of myself and many others actually feeling slightly embarrassed of calling ourself a 'feminist'. Unfortunately society has a completely skewed idea of what 'feminists' actually stand for and this sure as heck needs to change.

25 Things That A Summer Spent in Hospital Taught Me

How was your summer Molly?
Well, it was crazy! I was living it large on loads of drugs, being catered for hand and foot, not having to do anything aaaaall day. Jealous? Yeah my summer of 2015 was spent in hospital helping me in recovery from this arsehole-bitchface-pileofpoo illness called Anorexia Nervosa. 

So...  *gulp*

1. My love of  Noel Gallagher has gotten obsessive.

Spending 4 months in hospital meant that I had to cancel my holiday to Benicassim which ulitimately meant missing out on seeing Noel Gallagher perform there. Out of all the things that happened over the summer, this was probably the toughest. One day when Noel and I say our vows we will Look Back In Anger at what anorexia made me miss out on.. 

2. Breaking Bad really isn't all that great.

Which takes me to number 3...

3. When I start something, I HAVE to finish it.

A few examples being:

• The entirety of Breaking Bad (so overrated)
• The entirety of Dexter
• Season 3 of OITNB (not exactly hard to finish)
• 21 different books. - Praise the Lord for kindle unlimited. 
• Sudoku puzzles
• Colouring books. (Skeptical about these at first as I am such a perfectionist, but have now come to the conclusion that they're the  best things since Etch A Sketches.) 
• Oh and food. Not that I had a choice on the matter..

4. I really wasted my first year of university.
And the past few years.

What fresher spends 99% of their time sat in their room on their laptop, obsessing over whether to eat or what to eat, when to eat, WHO to eat? (Kidding). I'm surprised my brain isn't sprouting potatoes yet. What a waste of thyme...

5. Mum's the word

Okay, I am such a female dog to my mum, especially when it comes to food/weight/anything conversation. But she has been absolutely marv to me and I really do rely on her a heck of a lot. She's definitely had a belly full of my moaning (again, excuse the pun) about hating being in ye olde hospital. And I do love her lots, even if I don't ever show it. (Cringe)

Shout out to the rest of my family for being unbelievably fantastic and not strangling me. 

6. NHS BEDDING IS THE WORST.

'Boil in the bag' bedding us patients referred to it as. Imagine waking up in the night feeling like an over boiled fillet of cod dripping with sweat. Why why why they must insist on having to have vile plastic quilts is beyond me. - It's so that they can be washed but still. Not cool. Literally.

7. Don't drink green water.

Even hospitals have plumbing issues... 

8. I hate cheddar.

9. I like pineapples.
I can't think of any pun-apples for this one.

10. There is some filter in my head missing.
For some annoying reason, my brain won't let me differentiate 'well' with 'fat'.

*Note: Something to avoid saying to somebody in recovery from eating disorder is how they look 'better' or 'well' or 'good' or in fact any nice, positive comment. It sounds strange but as physical changes are obvious, something those in recovery are well aware of, any comment that draws attention to that can be really triggering and difficult to rationalise. I KNOW that it's meant as a general compliment but as I still have a way to go, my head can take it badly.
Instead, maybe ask how I am or how I feel things have been going :)


11. Getting shingles whilst in hospital is really fun and hilarious and exciting and uplifting and joyous. 
Sarcasm.

12. Nothing tastes as good as...


coffee made by myself.
(You were worried I was going to say 'as skinny feels' weren't you? Totally inappropriate and totally incorrect). Charging £3.10 for a cuppa coffee doesn't make it nicer than your standard homemade cup of coffee. Especially Douwe Egberts hazelnut flavour coffee.

13. You don't need a holiday to get a tan.
Moan moan moan, missing out on my booked holiday to Benicassim, moan moan moan. But sun bathing in the minuscule, overgrown, caterpillar infested hospital garden actually served me rather well, achieving a moderately impressive tan on a roast chicken resemblance. (Again, inappropriate reference, especially made by a vegetarian).

14. F.R.I.E.N.D.S will be there for me...
In sitcom form and in real-life human form. 
Birthdays in  hospital aren't that bad when your best friends drive two hours to visit you. 

15. Mental recovery doesn't improve at the same speed as the physical recovery.
"Healthy body, healthy mind." Yes, to an extent, and yes, physical recovery does improve cognitive function but recovering from the actual illness itself is not dependent on just gaining weight.
Basically, what I am trying to emphasise is that just because weight has been gained, does not mean I am better or cured. There is A LOT more to it and require a heck load of mind-numblingly tough effort - which of course will be worth it. 

16. The system isn't always fair.

17. There are not enough hospital beds.
I had to spend 2 months in a general psychiatric ward, a place that really had no idea how to look after me, simply because there was not a single available bed at an eating disorder unit. There are SIX beds available for the entirety of Welsh sufferers. SIX. And these beds aren't even in Wales! 

However...

18. We are bloody fortunate to have the NHS.
Whilst I could moan all day about faults in the NHS, the actual treatment and support and care received as an inpatient was second to none. (My bedroom was like a 5 star hotel, especially in comparison to my box-of-a university room.)

And this also goes to those who work for the NHS, to the support workers, the therapists, the nurses and doctors who go the extra mile to ensure that we're receiving the best care possible.


19. My recovery is different from another patients recovery.
Focussing on your own treatment and not getting deterred by other patients treatment is (freaking hard) but vital in getting through inpatient treatment. 

But 

20. I met some girls who changed my life.
I befriended a couple of girls in hospital (you know who you are) that are SOUPER (sorry, pun) inspiring and so motivating to kick anorexia where it hurts, (everywhere).  

21. There is not enough understanding about anorexia.
The first month spent in the general ward was a real eye opener to me about how people, even those in the psychiatric profession, really have an obscured understanding of anorexia. They saw me eating at meal times and constantly congratulated me on eating. Some even questioned what I was in there for because as they put it; "I've seen you eating quite often!" Not so helpful when I was meant to be eating more than what I was.


22. Anorexia has made me boring.
This is a sorry to all my pals for being the death and drain of the party. But also a thank you for those sticking by me and realising it was just the illness making me like that, and not me. 

23. I'm a drama queen.
All hail Queen Molly the 83rd for realising that I miss acting. Okay so anorexia can make me lie, be secretive and be a flipping great actress in terms of putting on a front but that's lame and nobody cares about that. I miss actual acting, on a stage, in front of an audience, needing a wee with nerves and getting a sweaty forehead from the lighting.


24. Recovery is an on-going, 24 hour a day battle. 
If I could have an alarm clock reminder built into my brain that has to go off every 10 minutes, that would be fabulous.

25. Recovery will be worth it.
And I am so eggcited to start my life. - That was my final (iced) pun. 

Anorexia is a pizza shit. 
You doughnut know how long it made me to think of these food puns.

A Swarm of Metaphorical Ignorance

Firstly, let me address those who are causing the blood of many to boil:

To those who have ever used disparaging words and comments (David Cameron, Katie Hopkins, writers of most tabloids, trolls on twitter, Nigel Farage etc etc):
 I thought you'd already be aware but if you are not, but the dehumanizing language you have used when talking about this crisis has acted as a catalyst for this anti-refugee and anti-migrant sentiment. 
Furthermore, this has led to false understanding of WHY people are trying to make their way to Europe. Creating blockades, labelling people as nothing more than numbers? Is this really 2015?

I don't hold any authorative power, I don't have loads of money, I am not famous in any sort of way, in fact nobody may read this. (Thank you to the moon and back if you are). But I do have a voice, and like many others, speaking out about how change needs to happen sure is better than sitting back and scrolling past a photo of a young boy, son, brother, friend, child - washed up on the beach. 

As we are continually being reminded, Great Britain is  experiencing a "#migrantcrisis", (thank you social media for branding this global issue). Even David Cameron is contributing to this unprecedented issue by emphasising that we are being 'swarmed' by migrants, as if to say that soon these human beings are going to  be destroying our crops or eating holes in our curtains. 

• If your child was being badly bullied at school and nothing was getting done about it, you would do your best to send them to a new school that would take better care of them.
• If you got a place to study the most awesome degree of your dreams at University in Washington, you would do all you could do to take that opportunity of being an international student.
• If you had been made redundant from your job and  no other jobs in your area were open, you would look for career opportunities further afield, and perhaps move to a new city.
  
• If there had been a life shattering natural disaster or there was severe crime, ongoing devastating war or threats of persecution occurring where you live, I doubt you would continue to live there.
  Especially if nothing was being done about it.

But you see, there are many 'legal' migrants within out communities, most of whom you wouldn't even consider referring to as 'migrants'. How have we allowed this universal hierarchy to evolve? We, or at least I, sure do take it for granted living in a hospitable, free, prosperous country. It is a privilege that British citizens and legal migrants have a roof over our heads, that we have 24 hour access to free healthcare, that we can just walk to a shop to buy some bread. So what makes it acceptable for us to be allowed such assumed benefits yet those travelling land and sea at their own risk are denoted and condemned for. 


Yet increasingly more so, we are being bombarded by the fact that each of these four million refugees (who by the way, are suffering the effects of a war that they hold no part in), are going to be a burden to us. 

Blame is fired in their direction, they are shamed and treated like criminals for something they hold no responsibility for. They are risking everything to achieve, if not the best possible quality life for themselves, then the chance to escape the hell ridden conflict that they have been made innocent victims of. 

It's been reported that over the past two months around 44,000 people tried to cross from Greece in Macedonia. This 'clash' has resulted in RAZOR WIRE being put up around the border to stop them crossing, as though they are animals being farmed?! At border crossings and train stations the helpless are being treated like rioters. What happened to compassion? What happened to 'treat those as you would be treated'? 

We can sit around and argue the pro's and con's of accepting refugees and migrants into our country, but then what? They can't go back to where they came from. Do you really think a mother would risk her own child's life just because she fancied hopping across the border for a cup of tea or a filling in her molar?

Yes housing is an issue. Yes jobs are being cut. But we are living on the same bloody planet and these people need our help. 


Apologies if this has just been a mindless rant but this planet needs a kick up the bum. 


P.S Big up to the thousands of European citizens supplying food and shelter to many of the refugees, and opening their arms to our neighbours. 
(Everybody needs good neighbours). 

You're Gonna Hear Me Roar: Zoos, Poos & Humans Too.

I found my mind this evening wondering off in direction of the North Pole, thinking about Inuits and if they really do live in igloos. Or what about Kenyans, are children still being raised in mud huts? Or the Korowai Tribe of New Guinea, are they still 'tree-dwellers' living in tree top houses? 

Who cares?
 It is too much effort, and too expensive (even if flying with Ryanair) for us to all visit their habitats, their communities, to explore their differing ways of life. But nonetheless, the existence of a particularly peculiar (at least in comparison to a semi-detached student house in the middle of Cardiff) society arouses intrigue and curiosity. Is it comparing our double bedded Cath Kidston bedsheets to their straw stuffed mattress and scrappy rug, is it the relief of not having to climb the eighty-odd foot high tree just to go to bed? Or perhaps the prospect of willingly choose to live in a house MADE OF ICE puts your mind at ease for choosing to get underfloor heating in your new conservatory? (One cold foot is only acceptable in bed, no where else). 

Western society is spreading like the plague and before we know it, the tree-houses will have aerials, central heating will send the igloos melting and mud huts will be rocking the double-glazing. These rare and unique societies are becoming endangered and it is up to us to save them.

Like I said, it is too much effort to visit them first hand and tell them to stay as they are, to keep them expanding and breeding. So my ingenious proposition/business plan is to have them shipped over to the Western world, (starting with the UK and US of course), and erect a precise, almost identical reconstruction of their own habitat in an enclosed/caged environment, but with limits to funding and space it will be scaled down by about 1000 times. 
I know what you're thinking, you're not going to want to pay your precious money to look at these families if it's all rather run-of-the-mill, but don't you worry! Daily shows will commence where certain members of families and tribes will be led out of their habitat and perform traditional rituals to roaring crowds, the public will be able to purchase foreign foods to feed the families in their enclosures, and we will have night time walks for those who are a tad more daring and willing to witness these civilizations in their precarious sleeping state! Hashtag livinglifeontheedge.
OH AND DON'T WORRY! The humans love living there, you can tell by their expression on their faces!!!

In order to ensure they do not become extinct (God forbid), annual breeding programmes will take place but due to the nationwide success of these parks, the babies will most probably be transported swiftly to another park to ensure a fair proportional distribution for the happy public be exposed to!

Of course not all family members can be guaranteed to be bought over from their natural habitat to this country as that would be an expensive procedure, and some of the elderly would be rather pointless at a family orientated park, so it'd be deemed rather unnecessary! Therefore we can reiterate that there ARE still societies in the wild, and we have not captured them all for public purposes. I am a people pleaser and like to think that this will please the majority, so activists will feel no need to spend an afternoon sellotaping cereal packet signs to the ends of broomsticks for 'peaceful protests' outside my crib urging me to free the last remaining of these societies, as I - personally- maybe - will be ensuring there are always a minimal amount of the breeds still where they originally came from. 



Of course all of this is sarcastic heap of elephant poo.

Speaking of elephants, I hope this makes you think twice about visiting zoos, sea life centres, wild life parks etc. 

The killing of Cecil has sparked outrage in the media, but if eyes could be opened a tiny bit more, perhaps the truth of animal captivity could be seen. We don't treat humans like this, so why does it make it okay to treat innocent animals like this? 

From orca's at Seaworld that are strictly trained in confined swimming pool enclosures, to a black leopard at Drayton Manor zoo that lives behind a glass window with just about enough room to fit a trampoline in. Or dolphins at waterparks that are forced to 'give rides' all day, all week, to paying tourists. Or the chained up, shackled down tigers in Thailand that are sedated, all for us(!), all for our oh-so-important need to get up close and personal, to capture our perfect  #TigerSelfie.

I could go on and on and on.
I hope you get the message.
And I am sure many people can argue against me - that's fine, it's your choice. 
I just hope that we look back in a decade or two or three, and feel disgusted and ashamed of ourselves for such places ever existing. 


P.S to read interesting articles about animal rights, animal issues, or just to gawp at cute animals, visit: https://www.thedodo.com/

Living in a Procasta-Nation

Always one to open a blog post cheerfully; being stuck in a hospital on bed rest for the past month, with many more to come is taking its toll. Already rather mangled, my brain has been disintegrating into a rice pudding consistency with this overwhelming abundance of boredom.

My mentality prior to hospital was already verging on the mashed potato state, and this has annoyingly (or not so annoyingly for you) meant that I have had as much motivation or enthusiasm to blog as someone who eats baked beans out of a can. Therefore, over time you can imagine, these hours of mindlessly existing have meant that I have accumulated quite the procrastinating talent.


So this post is to pay homage to a couple of things which have just about prevented me evolving into a vegetable. 


Sudoku
Suduko? Sodoku? SoDoKukoo?
Pretty sure that I have just named four Pokemon characters..
But yes, this strange brain exercise which serves no use and accomplishes nothing has become somewhat of an addiction and I continue to fill in the nine by nine boxes, kidding myself that I am a maths genius. I think I may have peaked my Sudoku limit as when I lay in bed at night I get the same sensation you get when you've been on a boat all day and feel like you're still on the water, only I am playing sudoku.. in my head.. Okay let's move on.


Lists
Writing lists is a favourite pastime of mine and if it isn't one of yours then I highly suggest this excellent, mind numblingly electrifying activity for any poor soul in search of that one thing missing from their life. 
10 Reasons To Write Lists.
1. To procrastinate
2. To make yourself feel like you're achieving something
3. To remind yourself that you can still count.
4. To procrastinate.
5. It fills time.
6. It keeps yourself busy from doing anything that you're meant to be doing.
7. To kid yourself that you will do things tomorrow. 
8. The act of writing the lists is good exercise for your fingers
9. You can re-read the list in funny accents
10. To procrastinate. 


Netflix
Damn you father Wyatt for paying for Netflix. My first year of university has been immersed into this world of films, documentaries, and TV programmes that are repeated constantly on Dave anyway. Now I would like to think that I can reflect on my Netflix binging problem with fond memories. We can't forget the good times; Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit giving me hope that genuinely funny American programmes DO exist, rekindling my love for all that Louis Theroux can throw at me, the foreign film category opening my eyes to an array of fantastique films (because I'm all cultured and that). And of course, how could I not mention Orange is the New Black?! The lemon to my tequila, the porn to my stache, the flavour packets to my kosher meal, my dandelion. OITNB has a firm place in my heart, and despite the controversy around Season 3 not living up to the first two seasons, I will never give up on ma gals at Litchfield.

But yes, back to Netflix, and despite such wonders it has provided me, I have encountered a serious issue. I waste more time CHOOSING what to watch than actually watching anything!
Do I want comedy? If so, do I want a programme or a film? Or perhaps some stand up? Do I want to watch a classic British comedy that I have seen before? Or a new American romcom that's just been released? Or perhaps I should enlighten myself and delve into a documentary about some Amish girl who has decided to start running a brothel. BUT WAIT!! What about Prison Break?! Do I jump on the bandwagon and start a treacherous commitment to this life consuming programme?

Actually, I think I will just watch videos of funny cats on Youtube.


And lastly, the deadly compulsion caused by the combination of boredom and the internet.
Porn. Porn  of the bidding type.
Yes eBay, I am directing this at you.
With a 'Watching List' usually averaging at approximately 130 items at a time, my bidding, let alone actually winning or purchasing, proof record is somewhat feeble. Yet hours I will spend, convinced that I will find THE PERFECT pair of size 6, original Levis (high waisted), in the perfect 90's blue, for 99p.
I am still yet to succeed this mission, but do no worry folks! Thou Shall Not Give Up.
But I do owe a lot to eBay (not literally, I always pay my fee on time). A 20p Mickey Mouse necklace from China, the £1 iPhone charger that blew up at the power socket, and the hundreds of piggy banks that filled my dads office. Whilst I'm at it.. thank you to that girl from Birmingham who purchased a £1 Primark crop top for £12, I hope one day you realise you could have bought 120 flumps for that little piece of orange material.

Uno problemo... I want to get a movie from eBay but am rather confused. Do I click 'Buy' or 'Watch this item'?


Yours sincerely Molly Wyatt
(100% Feedback Guaranteed) 
Putting the Pro in Procrastination since 2011

It's About Time I Spoke Up

A two week escape over the Easter break was clearly not enough to forever avoid the torment that awaited me.

Lying in bed I can hear them laughing; are these cackles real or is it all just mind games? I'm all alone in my bedroom, with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. I try to kid myself that this is all just 'Mother Nature' and a part of everyday life but the hair-tearing, eyeball scratching urges that follow this daily ongoing suffering suggests otherwise.

Surely I cannot be the only person experiencing such anguish? Am I really the only person who is constantly ambushed by the echoing vexation? It seems to have some awkward taboo attached to it, but the truth is, the amount of people suffering from what I am experiencing is, and must be, more than realised.
This on-going mental agony has led me to a dilemma of morality. My 'ethics' and principals are being tested, do I ignore these thoughts or do I put them in to action?

...

Too long. Too long have us Cardiff University residents have to endured the vicious, vile, vexatious domination that seagulls have taken upon our home.
Oh no, what do I sound like?! You know what is happening don't you? Domination of seagulls is turning me into the Nigel Farage of birds. Rest assured: I do not support UKIP. I don't even like beer.

Well as a firm supporter of animal welfare - and a vegetarian - the seagulls really are testing my patience. (Not that I was planning on eating them...)
One of the few delights that comes with being from the furthest town from the sea in England is the rarity of these evil birds swarming in on your (what was) pleasant day. Even laying in bed and only being able to hear the faint laughter from the television as my little brother watches Friends downstairs now seems a luxury when I go home from university.

Now, emphasising the issue of how detrimental these species are being upon my life is hard to convey. This 'issue' may be taken lightly, presumed to be an over reaction; "just ignore them" I hear you say. But it's not until I start turning up to lectures resembling a shit splattered, polka-dot patterned car bonnet that people become aware of how serious this is becoming. When I get to the stage of subconsciously switching between English and Seagullish, or when my mouth forms a yellowy, hard beak, is what it takes for somebody to step in and take action.

Pigeons are 'rodents of the sky', complaining about pigeons in society is accepted, it is a common occurrence, (especially if you are walking through Trafalgar Square). But with seagulls, it is a much more of a touchy subject. Why is this? Pigeons don't screech at 3am, pigeons don't swoop down and steal your Marmite sandwich out of your hand, nor do they scavenge through bins for scraps of McDonalds ultimately proceeding to last weeks worth of rubbish scattered around the pavement for all of the neighbours to complain about.

Now do I something about this? I could put my Hunger Games ability to the test and attempt to kill them all with a bow and arrow? I could feed them all vodka? Or I could just continue as I am and await the fate of evolving into a Guinness World Record Book worthy, first ever 'seagirl'. 

No. I am better than this. 

As a society we need to be more aware and understanding of this issue. With the support of one another, if we maintain a clean environment and not sweep the matter to one side, perhaps seagulls will vacate to the sea side, to where they are supposed to be. It's going to be tough, I know, but I think things can get better.

If not then lets officially change the name 'seagulls' to 'bingulls.' 
Furthermore, I am expecting Katie Hopkins to assign herself as their spokesperson. 

An Epiphany?

The nation has gone into melt down.

Not only has Jeremy Clarkson been sacked from the BBC, but Zayn is no longer a member of One Direction.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO COPE?

An entire television station without the charming, sensation that is Jeremy Clarkson?! 

The planets best music group having a fifth of their admirable musical talent ripped away?!

Is this really the 21st century?! What does the future hold for the rest of us now?!

Zayn Malik. Now firstly, I think One Direction could have dealt with this very differently. The heartbreak and grief everybody is experiencing from Zayn's departure is undoubtedly going to have major impacts on the future of the band. The possibility of fans residing to their wardrobes for years mourning this travesty is inevitable and of course, riots on a 2011 resemblance are already brewing outside the chain 'Claires Accessories'.

How? If I were Zayn, all I would have done is give my old pal Elaine the Pain a text (or email because she never checks her phone) and got her to be a replacement. NOBODY WOULD KNOW. 

Unfortunately this is not the case and we are all on our knees now praying for a miracle. 

Jeremy Clarkson. When I heard he had been fired, I presumed this meant he had been fired into space to be used as a deterrent for any extra terrestrial life, but no, they are still trying to get Bieber for that.

But my biggest issue with this decision is not the future of Top Gear, but the future of David Cameron's daughter. David Cameron himself told the BBC that she was on hunger strike until Clarkson regained his position on Top Gear. Uh oh. It seems as if the BBC are going to cause some domestics in the Cameron household, which (if it's not crumbling already) is going to have detrimental repercussions to government and inevitably, Great Britain as a whole. Brilliant. Thanks a bunch BBC. 

And we can't forget poor old Richard Hammond the Hamster, and the.. other guy, erm... James?

WAS three always a crowd? Could Top Gear now be about bicycles, seeing as a third wheel is no longer an problem?

I typed Jeremy Clarkson in on twitter to read the feed, and within ten seconds 200 new tweets had been tweeted. Which leads me on to my next point...

There I was, chilling in my dressing gown on my awkward university rooms spinny chair, when I had that light bulb moment. I felt like a genius, I could see my photo on the top of Daily Mail with a glorifying headline like.. "THIS GENERATIONS EINSTEIN" or "A NOBLE PRIZE WORTHY ACHIEVEMENT," followed by the riveting tale of a Cardiff University Student solving the issue to these two global issues. 

It's in the bands name; DIRECTION. The answer is glaring us in the face.

Top Gear... Jeremy likes to be on top... One Direction are (or were) top of the music industry (or whatever industry you can assign them to) ... and Jezza is now jobless.

So, here I am feeling smug with the being the brains behind the proposition of swapping Jeremy and Zayn over, BUT NO. 

Fellow tweeters were apparently on the same wavelength as me, with petitions and photoshops left, right and centre. 

'Not so innovative now, hey Molly.' But at least I know that this idea is universally brilliant and we have all breathe a sigh of relief as this phenomenal notion is bound to revolutionise the world.

 

Reasons to Celebrate on International Women's Day

Firstly, this isn't some radical, controversial, blog post. (I currently have a mountain of work to be doing and my energy right now is that of a damp flannel.)
However, being a woman/girl/female/human, in the 21st Century, in the United Kingdom, on International Women's Day, how can I not post recognition to some of the oh-so-fab wonders of ladyisms?!

1. In the space of three years, the amount of female billionaires has increased by 90%! (A newbie this year, Elizabeth Holmes is the founder of the blood testing company Theranos and is only 31!)
2. Speaking of money, we don't have to sit on our wallets or keys.

3. Lego's latest set includes a female scientist.
4. We can wear skirts.
5. We can wear trousers.
6. Something the size of a watermelon can be pushed out of our vagina.
7. And our boobs can produce milk?! Moo. 
8. Men can have paternal leave as well.
9. Malala Yousafazai - Nobel Prize recipient. A brave, 17 year old girl fighting for the rights of young girls to have an education. 
10. We don't have testicles. Giving birth is (apparently) unbelievably painful, at least something good comes from that pain.
11. A kitchen is where we belong? What about all those with Mageirophobia*? What about those who are lazy? Oh yeah, we have ready meals now. 
12.We don't get public boners.
13. We can cry but still appear to be strong.
14. We no longer have an obligation to be feminine or conform to a stereotype.
15. We can marry a man OR a woman.
16. We don't have to get married.
17. A woman can be a policeman. A man can be a midwife. We can go into any profession that we want. 
18. We finally have a female bishop!!
19. Female entrepreneurs: women are starting up to 1200 businesses a day. That's a lot of businesses. Does an eBay account count?
20. If we want to be taller, all we have to do is wear heels. (And possibly twist your ankle half way down the street).

21. If we don't shave, nobody needs to know.
22. We blow out more candles - sorry guys, but apparently women on average live longer than you.
23. Once a month you can have a legitimate reason crying and screaming at everybody. And then consuming an entire packet of oreo's.
24. Lena Dunham.
25. (and so of course) Girls. 

*Mageirocophobia  - the fear of cooking