18 Things That Will Definitely Cure My Mental Illness

1. Inspirational quotes
2. John Green books
   
3. A good nights sleep
4. A food diary
5. Educational leaflets about your illness
6. A bubble bath
7. Self-Help books
8. Anti-depressants 
9. Sex
10. A colouring book
    
11. Thinking about
     how fortunate I am 
12. Fake it until you make it.
13. Just eat
14. Just talk about it. 
15. Just ignore it.
16. Just fight it.
17. Just.. just just just get over it.
18. SMILE!!!!

While these things can momentarily provide respite or distract you from the farty thoughts being sloshed around in your poobrain, this wishy-washy approach to caring for your mental health can only do so much. And there is oh so much pulling yourself together one can do; we're not curtains.

Just because people can't see inside your skull, (thank goodness - that'd be quite gross), does not mean that you are not worthy enough to receive proper professional help. Without your brain, you're rather scuppered aren't you? Your head needs to be looked after. Mental illnesses are as equally detrimental as any physical illness. You may have to stand up and be your own advocate at times, but help is out there. Don't think that because you couldn't finish a colouring-in book, that you can't get better. 

Way too many people close to me have suffered long and hard without either seeking or receiving help from professionals, and this is where the big conflict comes in. Unfortunately due to our (rather rubbish) government, who are probably equally or if not more unstable than our mental states, over the years we have seen budget cuts and lack of funding to not just the NHS but particularly to mental health treatment. Many people are either turned away or not treated properly for their mental illness. This, unsurprisingly, deters people from pushing for the proper help that they both need and deserve and can result in their mental health deteriorating. Whether it be, not having a dangerously low enough BMI to be taken seriously, or not being convincingly suicidal, too often are those struggling battling with receiving diagnoses and treatment. This is why writing this blog post is difficult; matter of fact is that mental health in the NHS needs to be taken more seriously. 


Somebody very close to me, who had been struggling with severe anxiety, was sent away from the doctors and told to 'go read these books at the library.' Somebody else very close to me has been shuffled around different departments redoing the same assessment over and over again for the past year, still waiting to receive any form of help. And the other day when he was due an assessment (after waiting six months for it) was told he couldn't receive the assessment as he has moved house, meaning he has to go through the entire process again. If this was somebody with cancer, there would be an uproar. 

We cannot blame the doctors within the NHS, no, they are wonderful and work tirelessly. Yet we cannot ignore the fact that so many people are being failed by this wonderful institution. If I turned up to A&E with a broken arm, would they turn me away and say 'come back when it's fallen off?' If I went to my doctors and discovered that I had cancer, would they turn me away and tell me to 'wait until it had spread further?' 

Beds are full, and waiting lists are longer than a queue in Lidl at 6pm.

HOWEVER,

Whilst this is the reality, this is not to say you shouldn't reach out for help. Now, from experience, I know that sometimes you simply cannot talk about it. You cannot put into words the mush that your brain is producing. How are you meant to 'just talk about it' if you don't understand it yourself?!

I am no expert but I can say, is seek somebody close to you that you trust and whether writing down or speaking to them just say the basic things. Even if it's just 'I am not okay.' Don't let it fester underneath until it burst from the seams because, well.. that would be messy.

Once you have done this, have a little google (think of it as procrastination) of some charities or organisations. If you really don't know what is going on in your brain, there are general mental health charities that cover all spectrums and can offer you the best guidance and support - much better than this lame arse blog post. (I'll link some websites at the end of the post!)

Push your GP. (Not literally). But keep making appointments. I know I know I know, it can be so difficult even just leaving the house, but do not give up. Stamp your foot down if they do not offer anything. Bring somebody close with you to the appointment and if helpful, write things down before you go, because if you're anything like me, then 'cat got ya tongue' is a common occurrence at doctor appointments. 

I know it is easier said than done, and I really am so sorry for that. Yet whilst, yes, there are many stories of people being failed by the NHS, there are people who have come out the other side from receiving the right help for them - and this is something so key. Not all therapies work for everything, which is why speaking to organisations about what is available can work wonders in both offering hope and making this fight for treatment or support worthwhile.

I did not intend this blog post going in this direction, it was initially just going to be a piss take of those bull shit mantras that can supposedly teach you to 'live laugh love' or realise that 'not every day is good day but there is good in every day.'

Pass us the sick bucket. 

I could have been a lot more brutal in this post, as I have so much anger at the way people are being, or not being, treated. There is so much that needs doing, I can't help but think that perhaps we need the Fabulous Five to come over and give the NHS a glow up? 

On reflection of writing this post, it has really sparked (a firework up my bum) an eagerness inside of me to offer hope and accessibility for people struggling or recovering. Or even if you don't have a mental health issue but find some things simply too overwhelming, I want to explore/scrutinise/praise actual things that can work wonders in putting that sexy AF smile on your sexy AF face on your sexy AF body, even if it is momentary.

But yes, maybe (?) keep your eyes peeled! (Yuck, please don't peel off your eye lids?!). 

• If you need somebody to talk to, call the Samaritans on 116 123
• A great charity that covers all areas of mental health is Rethink: https://www.rethink.org/
• Another one is Mind:  https://www.mind.org.uk/
• To look for a therapist (this is where I found mine!) go to BACP: https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• A really good one for men struggling is CALM: https://www.thecalmzone.net/
• If you are struggling with an eating disorder or perhaps a loved one is, I would always recommend B-eat: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
• No Panic is a voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and OCD. They also offer a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. https://www.nopanic.org.uk/0844 967 4848

Copyright of Self Help cartoon: Mark Anderton - https://www.andertoons.com/ 

Je Suis un Party Pooper

I'm writing this blog a bit worse for wear (hungover) as I went to a fancy AF event last night.. (mum, 'af' means 'as fuck') which is perhaps a bit strange seeing as this is going to be about me being a number one party pooper. That's me, I am the flake on top of an overpriced, melting Mr Whippy. 

I have been 'out' twice in less than a week, which by my standards is a bloody miracle, seeing as I am an emotional wreck at the moment. I am the titanic of 23 year old women. For a solid six years I have seriously struggled with 'going out' and wow, as I write this I am aware that this is going to be a very first world, privileged rant but in this day and age, getting drunk and being sociable is very much the expectation of 20 somethings. 

Anxiety is a barst..ool and is, for many, something which can come in waves or can be a permanent gnat buzzing around your brain. For me, I try so hard for it to be more of a 'wave' and find myself forcing excitement and even arranging nights out and parties. However as the date of said event draws closer, I find myself scanning my brain for all possible outcomes and awkward situations that could arise and before I know it, I am conjuring up some feeble excuse for cancelling (it's getting more difficult to not recycle old excuses). 

Prime example of anxiety getting the better of me, being my birthday, whereby I had made an event on facebook for a meal and night out in London. I'd invited about 30 people, I had spent ages googling venues and restaurant, and then before I knew it I had deleted the event because I was anxious that nobody would turn up and I would look like a lemon. Or that people WOULD turn up and it would be boring and awkward and everybody would be whispering about how terrible the night was going. IT'S IRRATIONAL. There are no facts for me to feel like this, there is no proof that this may happen. But anyway, I ended up having my best friends come up for the weekend which probably suited me a lot better (seeing as I have only just moved to London).  

Anxiety is not solely a mental illness but can have physical symptoms, I have developed some sort of crippling stomach ache that tends to arise in social situations and events, even ones that I have been excited about for ages and haven't had much anxiety about. But hey, that's mental illness for you, it can creep up like Jack the Ripper when you least expect it. 

I get so frustrated at myself for not being 'normal' enough or a competent human being to simply go out and enjoy myself like so many of my friends. I see my friends on Instagram always busy, doing fun things, and it baffles me that they can do this. What sparked my eagerness to write this post was a situation recently whereby on a Friday night, my boyfriend and I had been to see some comedy (I had already been thinking of reasons why I should stay at home and not go) and afterwards, he wanted to go out.

"It's Friday night!" So? Love Island is on? "Just one drink at the pub, go on." No. No. No. Please, no. I just want to go home. So we compromised, and came home. Ha ha ha. We ultimately spent the rest of the night, on the sofa, bored out my minds (not that that made me want to go out any more) but I was ridden with guilt.

I do this SO often. Whether it be refusing to go out at all or leaving somewhere early, I find it so hardy to fully enjoy myself. I spend the night with eyes at the back of my head, itching to get home, worried what people around me think. Fair play to Lewis, my boyfriend who is more than understanding and will down his beer in a second to come home with me.

I feel the need to write about this to, mainly vent, but also because when I speak about this to many people, they too have felt the same in the past. We want to be in the photos, posting boomerangs on Instagram and getting a candid photo in the bar for our new Facebook photo, but so many of us are out of our depth. There is such a pressure for people to 'let off steam' by drinking. And sure, that can be fun... sometimes. Like, last night I was at an event which had an open bar serving gin cocktails, and I had SUCH a good time. But this was a rare occurrence and more often than not at other social gatherings, parties, festivals etc. I have this nagging thought at the back of my head telling me to go home. 

WHY???? 

Why can't I just enjoy myself like everybody else? 

Many people who meet me are surprised when I talk about my anxiety, as I am generally quite a confident person. I'm chatty, not too bad at small talk, and like meeting new people. But that's the important thing here, mental illness does not discriminate - it's the candy grabber of illnesses and will pick on whoever, no matter if they are sweet, sour, big, small, hard, chewy..... (This candy grabber metaphor was really shit). 

It is easy to put yourself down when you decline an invite, bail at last minute, or jump out the escape door. Part of you wants to stay, you don't want to let your friends down, you don't want to be 'that person.' Worse of all, well for me at least, it has a knock on effect and people end up not inviting you to things.

I cannot emphasise the importance of continuing to invite people to things who usually will not go. Much of anxiety derives from lack of self-worth and when your friends begin to drop you or not invite you, any self-worth left will slowly but surely manifest into some arsehole shitty thoughts. Sure, we may continue to not go for brunch, or pretend we are busy on your auntie's boyfriends birthday, but that doesn't necessarily mean we didn't want to be there. It especially doesn't mean that we want to be forgotten about. 

And finally, if you feel like this resonates with you, fear not. We are all different and not all designed to love the sesh. However, if you do feel that the anxiety around any sort of social situation or gathering is simply too overwhelming and damaging your quality of life, not only do I urge you to seek help but know that you are not alone. Remember that it is OKAY to sometimes bail, or leave early. Be open with your friends about it, ease in to social things from just having a friend round for coffee or inviting some close friends round to watch Love Island with you. (Even small things like this can cause me great anxiety). Sometimes you need to really kick that anxiety out and force yourself to go through with these less imposing circumstance. Give yourself credit for those small (bloody huge) achievements! I've learned that just a couple of hours spent with my best friends can leave me on such a high. Sure, I may pretend I am tired so that they leave earlier (sorry gals) but I did it, I had a great time, and I achieved something that day.

And who knows, maybe now I will be that girl who goes 'out out' 4 nights a week?!?! (Kidding. I could not think of anything worse). 




Check out @introvertdoodles who does great cartoons about anxiety!